We discussed God’s Plan for Male and Female in the last issue. Today’s topic, Satan’s Snares for Male and Female, is not as enjoyable. And yet, to complete this series, “A Christ-centered Courtship,” we need to deal with both because they’re realities of life.
There are five goals for this series:
Goal #1. To turn the hearts of the fathers to their children.
Goal #2. To turn the hearts of the children to their fathers.
Goal #3. As parents, we would get a burden to lead each one of our children into the perfect will of God for their lives.
Goal #4. That each one of you young people would get a burden to seek after God, to find fulfillment and purpose in walking with God, and that you would seek maturity in your manners and in your character.
Goal #5. That young men and young women would rise up to be godly fathers and godly mothers with a vision to raise up another godly generation.
Satan’s snare for male and female.
God has a beautiful plan for male and female, and His plan brings blessings. But Satan’s plan is to destroy God’s plan. Fallen man has to deal with the carnal nature of the flesh. Satan would like to use the things of this world to destroy God’s plan for each one of us.
A snare is a cable or a wire that has a little sliding loop on its end. The little loop has a lock that will slide only one way. When it flips, it locks into place. A snare will pull tighter on its own when pressure is applied. A snare must be concealed to be effective. If we see the snares our adversary sets for us, we’re going to avoid them. It is designed to kill. Our adversary, the devil, intends to destroy and kill. He wants to ruin God’s plan.
God has a holy plan for you, but Satan wants to defile your moral purity emotionally and physically before marriage. After marriage, he tries to destroy the marriage relationship. Satan’s plan is to destroy God’s plan, but greater is He that is in us.
We want to look at five points out of 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8.
“Furthermore then we beseech you, brethren, and exhort you by the Lord Jesus, that as ye have received of us how ye ought to walk and to please God, so ye would abound more and more. For ye know what commandments we gave you by the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication: That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour; Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God: That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified. For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness. He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit” (1 Thessalonians 4:1-8).
A life of sanctification and honor
Possessing our vessels in sanctification and honor is our protection from the snares the devil lays for us. We will overcome him if we learn to possess our vessels in sanctification and honor. “And the God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet. . .” Romans 16:20. It can happen over and over in our lives. We will be blessed if we follow God’s plan.
Living in sanctification and honor means walking in a way that will please God. The longer we walk this way, the more sanctified, holy, and separated unto God we will be. Young people, if you possess your vessel in sanctification and honor, you will walk in the fear of God. You will be concerned about the things God sees in your life. You will learn how to possess your vessel in a way that honors God in every way possible. Sanctification and honor are important when you start or are in a courtship.
In 1 Timothy 5:2, Paul writes that Timothy should treat “the elder women as mothers and the younger as sisters, with all purity.” Learning to walk in sanctification and honor will keep us from falling into the devil’s snares. You need someone to give you direction, and you need the Spirit of God to help you. If the day comes to get married, you will need to know how to walk with God. Mom and Dad won’t be there to guide you. Mom and Dad need satisfaction in knowing the Spirit of God is leading you.
How should single men and women relate to each other? Should young you avoid talking to each other whatsoever? The answer is no. Do married men and women avoid talking to each other whatsoever? Obviously, no. Young men and women should treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ the same way that married people do. We should all, married and unmarried, live our lives in sanctification and honor.
How much should a married brother talk with a sister other than his wife? How much would be considered ok? How would we feel if a married sister would talk with the same brother, other than her husband, every week at church services? Would we be ok with that? No, we wouldn’t be ok with that. The same principle applies to single brothers and sisters. Walk in sanctification and honor in the way that we can be respectful to each other.
In the last issue, we talked about the innocence of Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve had never seen another man or another woman. They were completely innocent and free, having never given their emotions to another. They were for each other! He was a one-woman man, and she was a one-man woman. You can have that, but you will need to guard your emotions. Learn how to possess your vessel in sanctification and honor in this area. Don’t play with your emotions if you want to be like Adam and Eve.
How do I know if someone is playing with my emotions? Here are a few warnings:
- Beware if someone gives you frequent attention. Don’t let yourself be drawn in.
- Watch for that light in the eyes. Someone trying to catch your eye, then just giving you that little smile. He or she is trying to draw your emotions.
- Perhaps you realize you are being watched. When you look up, Mr. or Miss So-and-so is looking at you. You can’t say, “Please look the other way.” But you can talk to Dad about it, and Dad can go talk to his or her parents.
Abstain from fornication
“For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from fornication” 1 Thessalonians 4:3.
Fornication means “harlotry, adultery, and incest; moral impurity.” Why do we even have to discuss this? These things have happened in the midst of God’s people, so we want to sound the warning: “Abstain from fornication!” If you think you are above the possibility of it happening to you, perhaps you may get too bold and go places you shouldn’t. You may do things you should flee from.
“All things are lawful unto me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any. Meats for the belly, and the belly for meats: but God shall destroy both it and them. Now the body is not for fornication, but for the Lord; and the Lord for the body” (1 Corinthians 6: 12-13). Your body is for the Lord, and you need to walk in sanctification and honor. You must allow your authorities to guide you. Allow the Spirit of God to guide you. Your “body is for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.” It is not for fornication.
“Flee fornication” means to run from anything that is not sanctification and honor. Don’t stand and try to face it. God says, “flee” for a reason. If you guard your emotions, you will be able to discern those snares from Satan. He wants to scar and destroy your life.
The lust of concupiscence
Another snare of Satan is the lust of concupiscence. “Not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God” (1 Thessalonians 4:5). The word lust here simply means “a passion.” The word concupiscence is “a longing for what is forbidden.” A passionate longing for what is forbidden. Many people in the world are ruled by their passionate longings, but God wants us to keep our emotions.
Young people, you are maturing into young men and women. Something is beginning to wake up inside of you that attracts you to the opposite gender. God created that attraction with a specific purpose in mind. God didn’t create that attraction to freely indulge in, but this is what the devil would like us to do. If you allow Satan, he will destroy you. As you mature, it’s important to learn to control your body, that is, developing into a young man or a young lady. Don’t let your passions and longings go in lust of concupiscence. If you follow your passions, it will take you straight to the snares of the devil. Feelings start awakening in your body that you’re not accustomed to. Talk to Mom and Dad about it. They want you to get through this time of change with purity, sanctification, and honor. Young people, you won’t be able to handle these changes unless you’re in love with Jesus, love your Bible, love to pray, and your heart is passionate about God. It is possible to overcome those passions!
Another aspect of the lust of concupiscence is flirting. Flirting means “to express emotions of love without serious intent; to play with love; to toy with love.” You may not think you are flirting, but what is happening in your mind? The way you think affects you. Are you giving little looks that communicate? Maybe it’s just a little look across the room that catches the eye. Both of you smile and look the other way. Nobody else saw it. That’s letting the emotions go. Be careful! It’s the beginning of the lust of concupiscence.
I was filling up at the gas station when I noticed this lady. She was outside on her break, talking with a young man beside her. That young man didn’t quit smiling at her from the time I arrived till I left. I don’t wonder what was going on in his heart.
Mom and Dad, we know our children. Let’s be honest and real with them. If there’s too much boy-girl talk in the house, we need to talk about it. It’s time for this to shut down. And yes, there is excitement, for example, when courtship is announced. Let’s be careful where the boy-girl conversation goes.
Let’s talk about dating. Specifically, dating without the approval from your authorities. I’m not referring to using the term dating in a godly way that has parental blessings on it. I’m referring to a temporary romantic relationship between two persons of the opposite gender. Trying different partners in search of one you like. Letting your emotions go here, then letting them go there. You're just shopping around. How can a person expect to have a solid, committed marriage with that kind of an on/off relationship?
When a young couple starts courting, their relationship builds as they get closer to their wedding. This natural process is built on commitment to each other and to their relationship with God. But in this other dating relationship, emotions and commitments come and go. This is the lust of concupiscence.
We live in an era where it’s popular in the world to be just casual friends. Nobody is serious, not looking to get married. And often, it’s not just two young people; it’s a whole group of them. They’re just all together for the party of being together. Lots of time spent talking and interacting, playing, and hanging out. They are not serious but are independent and self-sufficient. We need to guard against this worldly spirit, walk in sanctification and honor, and live our lives with a purpose for God.
Beware of the snare of technology. There are many useful possibilities for technology. It’s used to communicate, but there’s an appropriate amount of communication. And with technology comes a challenge for parents to know who their children are communicating with. Text messaging, phone calls, and computers have been used by young people to be drawn into the world or leave home. Parents need to know what’s going on in their homes. Parents need to know the hearts of their children and stay connected. We won’t make it if we’re just trying to control technology. Young people, beware of slowly letting your guard down and letting emotions go when using your technology. It can be a snare of Satan to draw you into the lust of concupiscence.
Defrauding
“That no man go beyond and defraud his brother in any matter: because that the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also have forewarned you and testified” (1 Thessalonians 4:6).
Defraud means “to be covetous; to overreach.” To be covetous is “to want something that is somebody else’s, that is not rightfully mine.” To overreach is “to reach beyond what is mine.”
Defrauding is stealing a young girl’s heart without the consent of her parents. Stealing a young girl’s heart and causing her to do things she would never have done.
Defrauding is when a lady flaunts herself and causes men to lust after her. Young ladies, it matters how you carry yourself, how you dress, and how you walk. You can dress in a way that makes a man have to look the other way. That shouldn’t happen in the church. You should have concern and ask your mom, “What do you see in me? What does it look like when I walk?” Those are practical matters of modesty. We are more modest than what is going on in the world, but should we measure ourselves by the world’s standards? We should measure ourselves by God’s plan.
Defrauding means to overreach, to go beyond, to lead on. To deceive a person into giving up a valuable possession. On this topic, it’s deceiving someone to give up their valuable possession, their moral purity. Don’t let anybody get close to it. It’s a prized treasure!
Young ladies, be careful about being covetous and overreaching when thinking about life companions. I remember a time when there were three or four brokenhearted young ladies after a young man chose his life companion. These weren’t ungodly young ladies, but they let their emotions wander too far. Young ladies, you must stay yielded when considering life companions. Don’t be covetous, and let your heart begin to wander. Don’t let your emotions go in your mind, thinking that this is the will of God. If you set your heart on a certain one, you’re making yourself vulnerable to being hurt. If you have someone you admire, it is important that you surrender those thoughts to God. Remember, it is not confirmed as God’s will just because you have feelings in your heart.
To parents of young ladies, there’s a need for us to stay yielded right along with them. Don’t assume anything until the young man has actually asked for your daughter. I know from experience that God will help us discern His will. We may find ourselves on our faces, begging God, “Please tell me what is right.” But God will show us His will, one way or another. Don’t be covetous, letting your heart go in an area that’s beyond your control.
Not uncleanness, but holiness
“For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness” 1 Thessalonians 4:7. Uncleanness is impurity. the Greek word for sanctification is the same Greek word as holiness in this verse here. Don’t walk in uncleanness but walk in holiness.
“He therefore that despiseth, despiseth not man, but God, who hath also given unto us his holy Spirit” (1 Thessalonians 4:8). He that despises, doesn’t despise man but God. Oh, the fool that would say, “I’m old enough to make my own decisions.” Don’t do it, don’t go that way.
In conclusion, let’s look at 2 Tim. 2:21-22. “If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honor, sanctified, and meet for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work. Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
“Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims, abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul” (1 Peter 2:11-12). Abstain from them! Run away from them! They war against your soul! They are Satan’s snares for male and female.
