In the last couple of years, something that God has been working on in my heart is the area of submission. I don’t want to look back in a wrong way, but I see where I have failed my husband in the role that God has given for me to function as his helper, one that is meet for him. As I have been thinking about my own life, I have come to realize how important our role is as Christian women, in our homes and in the lives of our children.
I realize that our children are going to need to make their own decision when it comes to being a disciple of Christ, but my desire is that I am not the reason that our children rebel against the Word of God. When we honor our husbands the way that God has taught in His Word, the example of our lives will draw the unbelieving to Christ. In the flesh, we will not be able to honor our husbands in a way that will bring glory to God, but with Christ we can do all things according to His will.
I have a burden about this because in the last couple of months I have noticed how much our homes are under constant attack from the enemy of our souls, as he tries to use our flesh and the world. As I write on this, I don’t feel that I will do justice to it, so I will just write some of my thoughts and pray that all who read this article will be encouraged in their marriages to honor, respect, and love their husbands.
- Nevertheless let … the wife see that she reverence her husband –Ephesians 5:33.
- Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands… –1 Peter 3:1.
- Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are… –1 Peter 3:6.
- Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord –Ephesians 5:22.
- But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God –1 Corinthians 11:3.
- Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression –1 Timothy 2:11-14.
- Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be [subject] to their own husbands in every thing –Ephesians 5:24.
- Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law –1 Corinthians 14:34.
These Scriptures are not my own, but God’s. He gives us His Word to read and to live by because that is the only way we will be able to have peace and harmony in our homes. Even more importantly, the ONLY way that we can have a clear conscience before God is when we are in the center of His will.
When we think of submission, what comes to mind? Do we think that if we submit, we will be taken advantage of? Do we think that we are wiser than our husbands? I know to the flesh this sounds kind of hard, but if we could only realize that if we don’t allow our husbands to lead out and make decisions, we are only crippling them. The reality is that if our husbands make mistakes, it is okay because we ourselves make mistakes as well. Also, if we are born again, and we are walking with God, but our husbands are not, God will still take care of us. The Scriptures teach that if our husband is not in his place, then through the wife walking according to the clear teaching that God has given her in His Word, the husband can be won through her conversation (or by the way she conducts her life).
We need to trust God with our whole lives, even in the area of our marriage. God is a God of order. Think of how God desires the children to honor the parents and the parents to not provoke their children to anger; it’s no different in the husband-and-wife relationship. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, and the wife is to reverence her husband.
In the beginning, God created male and female. He created Adam and said that it was not good for man to be alone; then He created woman from the rib of Adam’s side. God’s heart in the beginning was that man and woman would be one, and together they would walk with God and glorify Him. Then through Adam and Eve yielding to temptation, sin was brought into the world. Whenever we are struggling in our marriage, I am reminded how it was Eve that first yielded to the serpent’s temptation. Let us as wives be quick to examine our own hearts to be sure that we are in our place. When situations arise, how often are we as women tempted to think that we know better and could handle the situation better than our husbands.
God has designed our husbands to be our protector if we stay under them. I realize that we are imperfect, and that makes it more challenging to submit to our husbands. However, I believe that when we are born again by the Spirit of God, His love in us enables us to submit to our husbands. I also realize that there are a lot of broken homes. My encouragement to anyone who is in a less than ideal situation is to sincerely pray…first for yourself that you can walk in a blameless way and also for your husband that he would be what God has designed him to be—not what you think he should be. Many times, we get confused about this and it causes us to have bad thoughts about our husbands.
Titus gives us sisters clear direction from God. The aged women likewise, that they be … teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed –Titus 2:3-5.
Another temptation that we women face is to compare our husbands with other men. Perhaps we tell our husbands that this other man wouldn’t do such and such the way you do, or the way he does something is better than the way you do. Maybe we don’t even say these words, but our actions can tell our husbands a lot. God’s Word teaches us to be obedient to our own husbands, and not another. Each husband is gifted in a different way, and that is why each wife is especially suited for their husband. And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help [helper, aid, supporter] meet [suitable, appropriate, complementary] for him –Genesis 2:18.
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children –Titus 2:4. The word “love,” in to love their husbands means “to be affectionately fond of their man” as compared to the word “love” in to love their children which means “to have a maternal fondness for one’s children”. What kind of love are we showing our husbands? Can our husbands trust us that we only have their good in mind, or do we pretend to love in order to get something in return? True love will forgive in spite of failures, even when we think the pain is too great to bear. True love will cause us to pray for ourselves and our husbands when we feel differently about something than they do. True love will not cause us to despair, rather it will cause us to seek God even more.
When we are tempted to speak about our husbands’ faults to others, let us not yield to that temptation but let’s pray for them. Would we appreciate our husbands talking about our faults to other people? Also, pray for discernment to know if, and when, to speak to someone about a sin that your husband may be involved in. Let us not rail on or nag our husbands when difficulties arise. Instead, let us ask God to work in our lives and give the problem to Him and let it there. Our husbands are only too human, just as we are. If we fail at times, then we must not be surprised that they too might fail at times as well. I think what makes our marriages perfect is that we learn to forgive one another and press on to be one together.
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation [conduct] of the wives; While they behold your chaste [modest, innocent, perfect, pure] conversation coupled with fear. Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement [terror]. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered –1 Peter 3:1-2 & 3:6-7.
One of the first times that this verse became real to us was when our first child was around five months old. We were quite a ways from home and he started crying with a lot of pain. We prayed for him, but he still cried. We could not figure out what was wrong, so we took him into the ER. They told us that he had an ear infection and gave us medication. However, he still cried. We had a ten-hour journey home, and he cried the whole way. After we had gotten home, my husband and I discovered that there were some unresolved things between us. After we confessed our wrongs to each other and to God, we prayed again for our son. Immediately after we prayed, our son quit crying. I know not every situation turns out like this one did, but God taught us that we need to be open with each other with no hidden sin, that our prayers be not hindered.
Some questions that could be asked are: What are our children seeing in our homes? Do they see Mom reverencing their dad with joy or with fear? Do they see Mom being appropriately affectionate with her husband, such as through kind words, seeking to love the things that he loves, holding hands, etc. (I have come to realize that it is difficult to hold hands with my husband if there is something between us.) Does Mom question, challenge, or criticize what Dad does?
As our own children are growing older and into their youth years, I see how important it is that these principles are lived out in our homes. If we openly question our husband’s authority, I believe we are sowing a seed in our children that they too will question their dad’s authority. Ultimately, in the time that we live, we are seeing a generation that is questioning everything about God’s created order—there is gender confusion, evolution, and rebellion against authority in general. I have often wondered if perhaps the reason that we see so much rebellion in our plain churches is because of God’s order not being lived out in our homes.
There was a friend of ours who told us that if there would be one Christian principle that he thought would have the most impact on the home, it would be the principle of the headship order. We have a dear friend who had become a Christian before her husband. She went through a lot of difficult times, but she continued to love and reverence her husband. She fasted and prayed for many years for her husband. Today her husband will testify that it was because of his wife’s godly conduct that drew him to repentance and faith in Christ.
Another example with a different outcome… I know of a couple that didn’t have a solid marriage. The husband was not in his place and the wife became bitter, so bitter in fact, that she said that when she is buried in the grave, she doesn’t want to be buried beside her husband. This much bitterness has had a terrible effect on their children. I wondered if she had not become bitter, if she could have at least spared her children from the many heartaches that they have suffered.
I also know of another couple where both of them were badly mistreated by close family, but they chose not to become bitter. They drew closer to God and to each other through those valleys and they are reaping the benefits of the fruit of their choices to this day.
Even closer to home… I grew up in a home that was not a Christian home. Neither of my parents were born again. When they began to allow God to work in their hearts, I could see it. I would come home from gatherings and see my dad weeping as he was reading his Bible. Also, on one particular evening I came home and saw my parents sitting at the table and they were singing together. I will testify that this had a tremendous effect on my life. I could also see my own mother desiring to be in her place as God had designed her to be. When we pass from this life, what will our family say about us? Will they testify that the love of God reigned in our mortal bodies?
On a practical note, I thought I would write a few ways that we can show that we love our husbands in deed and not just in word.
- Asking them for advice (not just going on what we think)
- Fixing their favorite foods
- Keeping the house orderly and neat
- Being ready and willing to drop our plans to help our husbands with whatever they need
- Meeting them at the door with a smile (no matter how bad of day we may have had)
- Keeping the house quiet, even with little children, when he’s trying to rest or study
- Teaching our children proper manners in relating to each other in the home
- Teaching our children to love and respect their father, even if he isn’t always perfect
Another challenge I wish to give to each married sister is to think of something that you can tell your husband that you are blessed about with him, Try doing this every day for two weeks. It’s amazing what effect kindness can have on a marriage. Maybe to some this would seem like drudgery, but it’s not. I am amazed that as we get older, how much we think alike, even sometimes finishing each other’s sentences. I realize there is so much more that could have been written. I trust that God will continue to open His Word to us as we seek Him.
