Part 1
For Alice, life is exasperating. Each day feels like an endless grind. She loves her family, but in her heart, she questions if what she is working so hard to accomplish makes any difference at all. She didn’t always feel bogged down, and she wondered what changed to make her feel overwhelmed so much of the time.
Sometimes busyness increases so gradually that we barely recognize the change. Busyness, given the chance, will overload us with more obligations than we can realistically get done in one day, or one week, or even one lifetime. Then, without warning, we reach the overload point when we feel as though we cannot possibly handle any more. Relentless overload can cause physical and mental exhaustion to the point where we feel deprived of enthusiasm, energy, and purpose. Some women seem to have a built-in indicator of where the overload line is. Others, like myself, struggle to find that balance. Constantly. There are so many good, interesting, and exciting options right at our fingertips; without much thought, we fill our days.
Concepts that contribute to overload
Playing multiple roles can be stressful. Overloading yourself with responsibilities and commitments can make you forget what is most important. It is easy to equate busyness with self-worth. By default, we start believing that:
- Homemakers are capable of handling everything.
- Homemakers, especially godly homemakers, are never frustrated.
- A homemaker should anticipate all her family’s needs.
If we are honest, we know that these statements are unrealistic. Homemakers cannot do everything. All homemakers experience frustration occasionally. A mother cannot consistently be one step ahead of her family’s needs.
Rethinking the busy life
Household duties and caring for our families fill our days. Sometimes those tasks alone make us extremely busy. But what about the extra-circular activities or the high standard we hold ourselves to? We may need to think differently so we can break free from habits that threaten to control us.
Accept your limits
Maybe you can go to a Tupperware party, attend a Bible study, and repaint the bathroom all in one week. But should you? Good homemakers allow themselves to simplify even if they prefer doing it another way. That means if you are an avid bread maker, it’s all right to toss a few loaves of bread into your shopping cart.
Evaluate what causes frustrations
Artificial smiles can hide inner frustrations, but it doesn’t cure them. It works best to admit that there is a problem and then seek a solution. I’ve had to learn this repeatedly. All my family members know that we eat dinner at 5:30. But a late arrival habit is trending, and it bothers me.
When I told my husband about the frustration, he simply said, “Why don’t you explain the issue and quit being so uptight about it?” Good point. Proactively seeking solutions works for many problem areas.
Imperfect women make good homemakers
Quit worrying about perfection and make decisions based on what is best for today. Fun-loving, happy, homemakers might have a few dust bunnies under the furniture, but they radiate an aura that draws people to their hearts and homes.
Everyone differs when it comes to how much we can handle. On the other hand, everyone is the same; we all have limits. In future installments, we will discuss how to deal with common points of overload.
Part 2
Many homemakers find themselves stretched thin among commitments that go with home, family, and other activities. As busy as we are, why do we continue to fill our schedules fuller?
It is easy for me to commit to a new project and then realize, halfway into the task, that I have overstepped my limits. Too often, I overestimate the amount of time I must have to complete a project and underestimate the amount of time a task will take.
Commitment overload happens by default. When we play multiple roles and add more responsibilities, we can easily become slaves to the promises we have made. Overload tends to drain our energy, dull our senses, and deaden our joy.
Recognizing Overload
Sometimes multiple activities take place in rapid sequence. Normally, we can flow with short-term spurts of busyness. But if the flow of activities is never-ending and we keep adding more obligations, we develop a pattern that becomes a way of life.
Too many commitments beyond normal duties make us candidates for depression and burnout. Personally, when I experience insomnia, apathy, or irritability, it is time to examine my schedule. If adjustments aren’t made, someone or something will suffer.
No one can overextend themselves indefinitely. Sometimes we suffer consequences for keeping a pace that is beyond our resources. Symptoms of overload can include lack of sleep, strained relationships, procrastination, fear of failure, and a susceptible immune system.
Breaking Free of Overload
Identifying overload takes an honest evaluation of yourself. How can you know if this is just a busy season or if busyness is the new normal? Are you declining a request because life is too full, or is it an excuse? Do you have to say “yes” on the spot? With practice, you can learn how to pull back before reaching the overload point.
Let an idea or request gel before committing
This has saved me a great deal of stress. There are so many good things to be involved in, and new inspirations come daily. Sometimes tasks can be incorporated into my/our schedule. Other times I must simply let them go and stay focused on what is most important. Consider waiting a few hours before incorporating new ideas and requests.
Seek advice, especially your husband’s
A renowned doughnut maker was asked to have a stand at an auction. She asked her husband what he thought about it. He said, “As long as you don’t complain and stress about it like you did last year, I don’t care.” Was her husband saying “yes” or “no”? This lady should take the cue that doughnut making was somehow adding stress. Either she should not do it, or together they must seek a workable solution.
Evaluate your schedule regularly
Keep a detailed calendar to have a picture of past, present, and future events. If your family had the flu last week and you plan to take an out-of-state trip next week, should you add more? What is the emotional health of your family? Is your husband stressed at work? Sometimes it is better to have a time slot of nothing so it can be filled with what is important now. You can’t do a good job at anything if you are spread too thin. Too many obligations make it hard to be personally refreshed and congenial. Choosing commitments wisely will help you invest your energy where it is most valuable for today.
