“How is the new curriculum selling?” Sandra asked, wrapping her hands around her mug of coffee.
“It’s slow,” Abby answered. “I need to do more advertising, but now that the product is finished, I find it difficult to promote.”
“What’s wrong?” Sandra asked. Abby had spent years developing a curriculum for special needs children. Her passion and dedication to the project was amazing, but now her zeal seemed stifled.
“Well,” Abby said slowly. “I feel like my co-worker constantly criticizes me. ‘The cover design is tacky, there is a misspelling on page 11’, I should have said this, this, and this. My project advisor wants me to work on advertising, but every time I move forward, she tells me I did something wrong.”
“Does it feel like jealousy?” Sandra asked.
“I hadn’t thought of that. I’m staying in the background, but that’s not helping. I feel crippled and I don’t know what to do.”
Sandra nodded. “It’s difficult to be the recipient of another person’s jealousy. But it’s worse to be the one who’s jealous. I’ve been there. It’s miserable.”
“How did you work through it?” Abby asked. “You don’t seem like a jealous person now.”
“It was one point in a message,” Sandra answered. “The minister said, ‘If you feel critical toward someone who is rejoicing, likely you are struggling with jealousy.’ I don’t remember anything else he said,” Sandra chucked, “but, I knew he had identified my problem. I often found it hard to be happy for my peers. I didn’t realize jealousy was my root problem.”
“That makes sense,” replied Abby.
“It is harder for jealousy to take root if I face the negative thoughts right away,” Sandra replied. “It’s a battle worth fighting. I am happier when I can ‘rejoice with them that do rejoice,’ like the Bible says to do.”
“Maybe my co-worker is dealing with negative thoughts about the success more that feeling annoyed at me,” mused Abby.
“That’s likely true,” replied Sandra. “Aim to put her fears to rest so that you can work together productively. Don’t react to her behavior.”
Like Sandra, I too, have had critical thoughts when peers shared good news, or I noticed their accomplishments. Unless checked immediately, that tinge of jealousy keeps me from being happy for others.
The Bible describes the brutality of envy and jealousy. Jealousy is as cruel as the grave. (see Song of Solomon 8:6). Envy [is] the rottenness of the bones –Proverbs 14:30. And, Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy? –Proverbs 27:4. Jealousy is extremely subtle. It can be covered with an aura of godliness. Not only does it have the potential to destroy my relationships now, but also those of my children and grandchildren.
Women don’t decide to be jealous. They don’t say, “Today I’m going to be jealous.” Often, it’s hard to pinpoint when jealousy enters the heart, or even if it is there. But if it is hard to be happy for others, maybe it’s time to search our souls. We are prepared to fight against jealousy when we understand how and where jealousy thrives—within the heart of each of us.
Peers Test Our Rejoicing
Generally, we aren’t envious of people that we’re not close to. Women all around the world get married, have babies, or move into a new house, and we scarcely notice. But it’s hard to rejoice when those near us in time, place, age, or reputation enjoy blessings that we wish for. More than once, a jubilant phone call announcing a milestone challenged my resolve to rejoice with a rejoicing friend. God understands the struggle and He leads me to rest and acceptance.
Recognize Jealousy
The definition of jealous is: ‘Feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.’ Jealousy pops up in many ways, such as craving to copy a peer. Jealousy belittles the achievements of another and tries to control the way others think of that person. Jealousy gloats about the distresses and failures of others, while basking in a spiritual bubble. Jealous people keep the rumor mill in full production by feeding it twisted truths.
Safeguard Your Thoughts
Jealousy starts in the mind. Dwelling on a suspicion or envying another person distorts truth. This is dangerous, because what you perceive as a truth, is a lie.
We decide someone is proud because they brought a beautiful dessert to a potluck. Or we think a sister is a negligent homemaker because she visited a woman at a nursing home. Why? We tend to judge others by our own motives. Isn’t it feelings of guilt, self-justification, or envy that cause us to heap a negligent title on someone who is visiting the elderly? We don’t know how long she thought about that visit or how her husband made it possible. Divisive thoughts converted into words wreak havoc among godly women. It causes extra work for church leaders and stunts the growth of a body of believers.
Embrace The Thought: “Life Isn’t Fair”
Sometimes someone will have something you desire. On the flipside, there are times you will have something another woman wishes for. “Life isn’t fair” is a fact of life that we cannot change; we can only adjust our attitude.
There were friends in the same church who each had a daughter of dating age. As life would have it, one daughter dated and married long before the other one began a courtship. The mother of the single girl determined that she would rejoice with her friend and her daughter. As a result, the mothers are still friends, the girls are friends, and it’s likely their children will be friends.
Count Your Own Blessings
Looking at the blessings of others and making comparisons makes it difficult to be happy and satisfied. The Apostle Paul warns of this: …but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise –2 Corinthians 10:12. Happiness will not come to women who neglect to appreciate what they already have. Neither will they happily rejoice with those who rejoice.
Know Who You Are In Christ
Jealousy stems from feelings of fear and insecurity. God created you for His honor and glory. There isn’t a need for competition, rather we ought to be content in knowing who we are in Jesus. For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works, which God hath before ordained that we should walk in them –Ephesians 2:8-10.
Have Friends, Not Rivals
We might hesitate to admit that we have a rival, but that’s what a friend will become if we aren’t able to celebrate the blessings in her life. Pray for her regularly, asking God to bless her. Letting go of suspicion and doing something nice for her will help dissipate the negative feelings you have developed.
The Scripture is clear about enmity toward our brother (or sister): He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now. He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him. But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes –1 John 2:9-11.
Replace Jealousy With Gratitude And Contentment
Negative thoughts come without invitation, but we can decide if they will stay or leave. Learn to redirect your attention to truth. Philippians gives us an excellent blueprint: Finally, brethren [sisters], whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things –Philippians 4:8.
When we are at peace with God, with ourselves, and with our fellow women, we will be content with our abilities and with the circumstances in which God has placed us. With our focus on God, we will find joy and the power to rejoice with them that rejoice.
