There are many different influences that make up the whole of child training. Some of these are bold and open and can be seen by all. Others are more hidden, and only noticed by a discerning eye. As we know, it is often the hidden ones that bear more fruit. I would like to focus on one of these quiet yet powerful hidden principles of child training. There is nothing in the way of direct teaching that will ever have so wide and lasting effect on our children as the spirit of the home.
What is the spirit of the home? It is the atmosphere of the home. It is that mysterious air that a child breathes in every day quite unconsciously. One author, of a hundred years ago, explained it this way.
“It is the environment that surrounds the child, where he breathes in unconsciously, ideas of right living that emanate from his parents. Every look of gentleness and tone of reverence, every word of kindness and act of help imprints on him. The child does not think of these things. But they excite in him the desire to do that which is right and good. It is here the child gains those enduring things that express themselves as a lifelong kinship to either things earthly or things divine.”
As I read these words, I was inspired and awed. What a challenge is ours! What a glorious calling! The words we speak and the attitude with which we speak them, the way we live before our children every day shapes them for eternity. The atmosphere we make in our home is so much more important than the house in which we live and the education that we have or do not have. It does not matter if we have plenty of goods with which to live or if we are living on a shoestring and scrimping and scraping to make ends meet. What matters is the attitude of our heart, the disposition of our will. What counts is the spirit with which we live each day.
One can do all the right things and not be able to achieve this sweet peacefulness. In fact, it is far more a matter of being than doing that creates this sweet atmosphere. One preacher said it powerfully. “The mother is the Holy Spirit of the home...it is her attitude that determines the beautiful spirit of the home.”
I know that this is true. We have lived in times of sweetness and in times of trouble in our home. When I am troubled in spirit, not emanating that gentleness and peace, I see it reflected in my children and I find myself desperately wishing that I were not such a thermometer, that goes up and down with the changing temperature. I have cried out in desperation, “Why does it matter so much how I am feeling? Why does everyone reflect me?” But a mother sets the tone of the home, and our Heavenly Father so carefully designed it this way. He has given us this blessed opportunity to imprint on our children His divine ways. He has called us to this high and holy calling of parenting. It is up to us, as we assist our husbands, to instill the godly values and the sweet, peaceful spirits in their little minds before they are even old enough to understand what we are about. Let us look at some Bible principles that affect the spirit of our home.
The Inner Spirit of the Cross
The first thing that we need is the inner spirit of the cross. If we can get a vision of the serving love that our Savior shared in His life and death we will be on our way to understanding what it takes to have a sweet atmosphere. Jesus gave His very life for us. He claimed no rights of His own. He just gave all He had and expected nothing in return.
If we could get that settled in our hearts, our own spirits would be so much sweeter. My Saviour went the whole way to Calvary and no one noticed. He went alone for me. A heart understanding of that should change my whole outlook and that in turn will change everything. It will change what I do and why I do it. It will profoundly affect how I act and interact with my family and friends.
Grace Filled Singing
The second principle I would like to consider is grace filled singing. The psalmist said,”he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.” This powerful tool flows from the first. Ephesians 5 says we should be “singing and making melody in our hearts to the Lord.”
I have very fond memories of coming down to the kitchen early in the morning to hear my mother singing as she made breakfast for all of us. Some of these songs are still my favorites. A singing mother makes a happy atmosphere where children early learn to sing and praise and rejoice. Sing while you work and when you rock your little ones. Sing together and sing alone.
Proverbs 17:22 says, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.” This is so true. A joyful, happy, singing mother communicates happiness to everyone around her. Many times I find myself in such a hurry doing this and that. My rushed, hurried spirit definitely does not make a peaceful atmosphere. It takes time to be the right kind of mother with the right kind of spirit.
A Mother’s Communication in the Home
Let us now ponder the subject of a mother’s communication in the home. When a mother has a right heart response to life around her, she is in a very strategic place. Now she can speak into the children’s lives out of her right response to her world. This has a quiet effect on them. You see, the children live in a real world also, and they are learning to respond. Oh, the power of a mother as she graciously talks her way through life with the children. Who can measure this influence?
Come, let us live with our children. Let us establish the sympathetic relationship that characterizes communication and openness of heart. Feel with your child. Share with him. Every child wants to share his joys and sorrows with his parents. If we keep that avenue open then whenever the child has a problem he will feel free to open his heart and whisper his inmost thoughts, hopes, and ambitions to you.
Take time to talk with your child as you work and as you do school. Use the problems as they come up for springboards of communication. Look at how God views the problem and what He says to do about it. Don’t just spank and go on. Use that time to train them. It is such a teachable moment. Hold them, teach them, and hear their hearts as you correct them and dry their tears. It is time invested in eternity. When you are done the atmosphere will be peaceful again and you will have laid a stone in the foundation for communication with them when they are older.
Pray with your children about your problems and theirs. We have one lad who gets into mischief more than some of the others and yet his heart is very sensitive. When he is struggling with his attitudes and I pray with him about his problems, he responds so much more positively. He absolutely loves it! So do I, for that matter. It is so refreshing and it changes my perspective helping, me focus on God and His design and plan for my day.
My Peaceful Spirit
Another quiet, hidden influence is my peaceful spirit. Peacefulness is defined as “freedom from tumult, commotion, quarrels, quiet, undisturbed, not agitated”; that is how the old Webster dictionary puts it.
I only reflect peacefulness when I am in touch with God. This peacefulness overflows as a quiet spirit into every happening in the day. This walk with God that brings peace is made strong as I take time for personal devotions. Quiet time is not wasted time in a busy mother’s life. I have seen how desperately every mother needs this quietness of heart. With a house full of children there is a lot going on and this peace enables us to face each new demand and problem.
Someone once said, “Troubles are a test of the heart. We cannot spill out sweetness if bitterness is there. But if our cup is filled with the fruit of the Spirit, then when it gets bumped, then only sweetness will flow out of it. If when our life is bumped and jogged and we respond peacefully amid the interruptions and trials that present themselves, then we are in possession of the fruit of the Spirit.” Ah, if we always could say that, we would have far less trouble managing our little band of followers. So much is done right inside the spirit of the parents. So much is caught as our children watch us and unconsciously copy us. Have you ever noticed that when a mother is in a hurry and is impatient that family harmony tends to disintegrate and everyone is soon out of sorts and grouchy? A quiet, peaceful spirit goes a long, long way, in making a gentle, happy home. This sweet spirit will eventually change the family. Then you will have a peaceful family, and that is a beautiful testimony for the Lord.
Harmony with My Husband
The last ingredient I would like to look at is harmony with my husband— ”to harmonize is to agree, to fit together, to live in peace and friendship.”
First I must be in harmony with God. Then I must be fully one with my husband. If I am not living in harmony with my spouse, I can expect to find this unrest passed on to my children.
Recently, there was an issue in my life in which I was not fully resting under my husband’s authority. It put a serious cloud over me. My devotional life was not warm and free and inspiring like it usually is. Then one Sunday I listened as a pastor said this.
“Adam refused the authority of God. When he did that, the glory, light and power of God were gone from his life! Gone - Gone - Gone! How different it was from the life flowing out before. He could not fellowship with God and God could not fellowship with him. Until that fellowship was restored, Adam could not be a whole person.”
He was not even referring to a husband and wife relationship, but my mind raced on to the authority that God has designed in the husband and wife relationship. I had to face up with the fact that I was not completely resting in my husband and this was the reason for my dryness and my lack of peace. What remorse and shame I experienced, yet what peace as I confessed it to God. What clearing!!
When we refuse the authority God has placed over us, no matter what the issue is, the glory, the power and the light are gone from our life. It is so simple, yet so profound!
Many, many times we wives complain about not having any power. We say we are dry and we have no inspiration, no light, and no joy. Is it possible that we could trace it to this area? It is so easy to do just as Adam did and step outside the plan that God has for us. We will to do our own will and we begin immediately to pay the consequences.
A wife whose mind is not completely at rest, trusting and delighting in her husband, will find her fellowship with her husband is affected. The greater the problem, the poorer the fellowship. If she is at odds with her husband and does not desire to do his will, the relationship will quickly deteriorate. If she is dominated by her emotions, she will not find it easy to be under his authority.
When a husband and wife have a relationship that is according to the word of God they have sweet fellowship. The lines of communications are open and their spirits are in peace and harmony with each other. They trust each other completely and enjoy each other to the fullest. They each delight in the happiness of the other. This will create a lovely and right atmosphere in the home.
Once again, your children follow your example. If you are not fully following your husband, your children will probably not fully follow you.
But you say, “I am not sure He is doing exactly what he should be doing. I am afraid he is making some serious mistakes.” Have you really given your worries, expectations and cares all to your Heavenly Father? “The government is upon His shoulders!” God will be IN CONTROL if you allow Him to be. The song writer puts it so well, “Hidden in the hollow of his blessed hand, never foe can follow, never traitor stand; Not a surge of worry, not a shade of care; not a blast of hurry, touch the spirit there.”
When we have a flexible spirit with no plans of our own, what blessings flow upon our union with our husbands! What a challenge to truly have that spirit. Any mother with a number of children, knows what it is like to have her day change on her at a very inopportune time. School is under way and lunch time is coming all too fast and Dad calls over the intercom. “I need a can of red ink to finish the job that is to be done by 4:00. There is no way I can get it. Could you go and get it for me?” Can I stop my school, pack up the children and go for that important ink without getting all bent our of shape? These things happen to all of us in one way or another. What a wonderful example it is to our children if we can sweetly say, “Sure. I will gladly help you.” A mother with a flexible spirit can wear old clothes, live on simple food, and work with a limited budget, cheerfully and with a thankful and sweet attitude. Children who live with a mother like this are extremely blessed. What a valuable lesson in the will of God for their lives!
“In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” 1 Thes. 5:18. A thankful spirit is one of the sweetest perfumes to scent anyone’s home. It brings joy and cheer and comfort to every circumstance and every relationship.
Well, much more could be said on this subject, and I have a long way to go even as I write these lines. Will you join me in heart as we cry to God for a sweet, quiet spirit in our homes? My prayer for you is the prayer that Paul prayed for the church at Thessalonica: “And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24).
