All of us mothers have those times when we sit and dream of our little girls growing up and getting married to a fine young Christian man. I know we also plan for our daughters to be virgins when they marry. To reach this goal, we must begin seeking it long before they marry. I want to share with you how the Lord has led my husband and me, as we have sought to raise pure children in the midst of a “crooked and perverse generation”. We didn’t think we had the qualifications for writing on purity—unless dreams, visions, and desires count. We currently have 6 children age 9 and under so our family is yet young. I pray that the Lord may use our lives to be an encouragement to some of you. We don’t claim to see everything yet nor be experts, but we write as those who are still in school, with a great desire to learn.
Moment by moment I’m kept in God’s love. Moment by moment—how secure it makes me feel. Oh, the freedom I have to risk loving others because I know my Heavenly Father is guarding my life. He will keep anything harmful from happening to me—anything he cannot use to refine me and make me into the image of Jesus His dear Son. In the same way, I want to guard my little ones who depend on me for their protection.
I think of my infant baby girl clinging to my arms. She was our first-born child and we had so many questions about child-training. We felt so inexperienced. How would we keep this little one pure in her youth? Everywhere we looked were young people even in Christian homes who were caught in the awful consequences of immorality. Our hearts cried out to God for wisdom. How do we raise up this little girl so that she will walk in the way of purity, being kept from the impurities of others as well as the impurities which can arise from within her own heart?
We were challenged by some tapes to shelter our children. I wrestled with fears of smothering them and “overprotecting” them. We didn’t want them to grow up handicapped, with a dependence on Mom, and unable to relate to other people. We had begun our married life in a trailer court setting. This meant that neighborhood children often visited us. I had received the call to shelter my children and wanted to keep them in earshot and view at all times, so I kept my toddler, Hannah, at my feet continually. A five-year-old girl would frequently visit and play with Hannah. Of course, she was used to going wherever she pleased whenever it pleased her. She wanted to run back to play in Hannah’s bedroom located at the other end of the trailer from the kitchen where I was working. Was it really necessary to take the trouble to run after them and require them to play within my sight and sound? Just as this question was arising in my heart, J’s mother shared with me that J had been molested by her boyfriend. I breathed a prayer of thanksgiving to God for confirming my convictions to shelter my children lest they be defiled. Purity starts in little girls; only one time in some secluded spot could be terribly destructive.
I remembered some regrets from my own childhood in regard to purity. It happened at a slumber party. We were sleeping out under the stars in an open field in the country. It was mostly girls from church-going families so it must have sounded innocent enough that we were left unsupervised. Well, someone suggested we play Truth or Dare and...I still have regrets from that night. Because of the experiences of that night, I have chosen to never allow my children to participate in slumber parties. Purity starts in little girls.
At a later time when we had three girls and two boys, we were tempted to let them play in the attic while I was working downstairs—then I couldn’t see the mess that was made. Again, God’s warnings are so timely. A sister from church shared with us how she had been molested by a sibling in their barn, undiscovered by their parents. There was no reason we couldn’t find things for the children to do near me. We also enforced an open door policy: no playing behind closed doors. Purity starts when the children are little.
Then there was a Mother’s meeting, which helped to guide us. We were challenged about letting children bathe together. Even though at that time we had only girls, we began to see that it could arouse thoughts and temptations, especially if left unsupervised.
My first thoughts about the topic of purity in little girls were of clothing. To walk in purity one must not wear the “attire of a harlot”. We thought much about how we were to dress our girls and learned all we could about modesty. If the principle for modesty is keeping the form of our body hidden from view from all but our life partners, then we would not want our young marriageable daughters wearing dresses that revealed their slender waists and beautiful legs. If we didn’t want that dress for our girls in youth then perhaps our toddlers shouldn’t be dressing in Hollywood fashions either. If modesty means not drawing attention to ourselves (and it does), then plain and simple clothes would be in order for our little girls. They should be neat and clean and glorifying to God. This is much better than the frills and bright colors that draw comments like “she’s so cute….”
Then we wondered how a girl could enjoy running and jumping and climbing trees in a dress without revealing her body immodestly. Surely the bloomers of years gone by were the answer. And the leggings or heavy tights in winter would keep their legs warm and covered. (A wise sister gave me the needed warning that they still need to be taught to keep their dresses down.) For some of our girls this seemed a trial of discomfort, something new they didn’t think they wanted to adjust to, but getting excited about them myself and wearing them has helped. Purity starts in little girls—the girls we started in bloomers before they can remember anything different have had the easiest time enjoying them.
We live in the inner city, and we often have occasion to see the “attire of the harlot”. My husband uses the frequent opportunities to teach both our boys and girls what not to wear and do. The inner city also provides many opportunities to show them the sad results of life lived in such a manner. Our family devotions, which is often in Proverbs, also provides ample admonitions and illustrations on impurity and its end.
Then we have learned to have en eagle’s eye over the books we let our children see and read. We want them to be repulsed by unlawful sexual activity in books, but what about the flirtation and dating and romantic ideals in the romance novels I grew up with? Is that really excellent reading material that will help them to guard their hearts with all diligence? We must search to find the most excellent reading material for them, so that the purity of our little girls is safely guarded. Another subtle danger is the advertisements that come to the home. We need to remember that these women are harlots, and are guided to express the spirit of a harlot in every picture they pose for.
Now friends and relatives have wanted to fill the house with dolls for our little girls. Should we let our little girls’ imaginations follow the trail of the sexy body with ideal proportions and lewd clothing of the Barbie dolls? No. We decided to ask them to give us only baby dolls so our little girls could practice being good mommies. We must be diligent to keep the purity of our little girls’ thought life.
To know their thought life, we must be willing to keep the lines of communication open from the time when they are just little girls. We have learned that this means listening to things rehearsed in great detail that we have already heard or don’t feel are greatly important. We want them to share their thoughts and feelings with us when they become attracted to boys later in their lives, so we must learn to ask questions: “What did you talk about?” “Did everyone have good attitudes?” ...And, of course, we must learn to listen attentively to our little girls now.
Along with communication in general comes the need to talk about the differences between boys and girls, and about where babies come from. These are things that children are curious about, and if we don’t open the conversations, they may talk about them with their friends. They need to know about the special parts of their bodies that are sacred. Inform them that they should never let anyone touch them or see them. We want to let them know that they can come to us with questions, but they aren’t to talk about such things with their friends. We want to be the ones to tell them of the blessings of God’s plan for marriage. We have a goal of virgin brides giving themselves freely and joyfully to their husbands on their wedding day. That innocent purity must be guided and protected.
We don’t want them searching for approval and appreciation from any boy that looks their way. We have observed that they must be secure in the affection of their father who knows how to give them approval and blessing. May praise and approval be the focus of our relationships and reproofs only a necessary part of training. Purity starts with the little girls on Papa’s lap receiving a blessing. Oh, the protective power of a father’s love. No young man can break into it.
Finally, the best gift we can give our children is our love for each other as husband and wife. Why have some youth run away from home in rebellion to seek illicit “love”? Some have turned from faith in God because their parent’s marriage was way below the norm, and they thought they could find something better. Oh, what shame. Let us love one another and guard the purity of our children.
