The McBible does not have the tedious 66 books, but just a few with short sentences and simple words at the fifth grade level. There are numerous pictures and some pages ruled with lines so that you can add your own spiritual thoughts, just in case you get a new revelation.
The McWorship service is all sweetness and love with nothing offensive. The McSermon is easily digested with a minimum of nutrition and a maximum of fat. Each McPrayer is centered on temporal and material things to keep the mind from wandering to the spiritual which is often illusive for the modern American. To keep the kids awake the McHymns are hip-hop style.
McMarriages are performed for folk who like quicky relationships and throw-away vows are the big feature. For those who still hold some traditional notions, there are pre-marital sessions with junk counseling.
The McPastor is a touchy-feely guy who majored in pop psychology and has an in-depth understanding of felt needs.
McSins, commonly called boo-boos, are easily forgiven with fast prayers and of course are soon repeated, but not taken too seriously. There is an effort to virtually eliminate the negative and dwell 100% on the positive.
This whole business is sustained by the McTithe, which is not 10%, but whatever stray dollars happen to be left in the wallet.
The McYouth program is short on Bible study and discipleship, and long on fun and games. It’s designed to give the kids what they want and to teen-sit them so that their parents can go out and have fun evenings without worrying about their kids getting into drugs and sex.
McChurch is staffed, not by professionals, but by hasitly hired, part-timers whose strongest spiritual slogan is “Have a nice day”.
This is the church that offers McFellowship, which is not bonding, but just a quick “Hello” with a handshake and a hug and a hope that you do not become too responsible for the other person’s life or spiritual well being.
McSalvation does not have any deep doctrine of substitutionary atonement and regeneration, but a simple human decision or a nod of the head is more than adequate to bring a person into McKingdom, where he hopes to live happily now and in the hereafter.
All of this ends up in a McHeaven where there are no golden streets, but arches that appear over a broad entrance where the grill is scorching and the deep fry grease super hot.
Vernon C. Lyons
Ashburn Baptist Church
Wolf Road & 153rd Street, Orland Park, IL 60467
November 2004 Christ Life Ministries Feature Article at
www.christlifemin.org
