Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity –1 Corinthians 13:1-13.
Several years ago, my nephew was quite busy for a number of months building a house for himself and his soon-to-be bride. I’d like to compare that to the building of a marriage. As you know when you build a house you need to have a blueprint to follow. So it is when we build a marriage; we need to follow the blueprint of God’s Word. We all know that the first step in building a house is to lay a good foundation. So it is with marriage. For all of you who are married, I trust you have been, and will continue building your marriage on the foundation of Jesus Christ. There are many elements to a strong house that we could compare to a strong marriage but today I want to think about what it is that gives power to your house or power to a marriage—that thing is called love.
I want to look at nine elements of love:
1. Patience
Love suffereth long. Love is ready to do the work of love whenever the need arises. It is never in a hurry, instead it wears the ornaments of a meek and a quiet spirit. It will wait for the perfect opportunity and will, in the best way, quietly instruct, or exemplify, the purposes of God before your family, before your church, and before your spouse. Sometimes you are going to have to do it for a long time… alone. It will not falter in times of difficulty. A patient person is a predictable person. Love is patiently persistent; it does not abide in the temporal but in the realm of the eternal. Love understands this; therefore, love waits. It can take a long time for a human to surrender to the Lordship of Christ. That time will be shortened in perspective when a man of faith exemplifies a life of obedience and sacrifice in patience. Patience is the normal attitude of love.
2. Kindness
Kindness is love in action! The greatest thing a man can do for his Heavenly Father is to be kind to his Father’s other children. This is not hard to do, and the world needs it. To every married man reading this article, I ask that you consider this—if you would lead your wife on the journey of love, you cannot do it successfully if you try to do it without the element of kindness. Kindness makes living out the purposes of God attractive to those looking on! It will go a long way in helping your wife to draw near to God because she sees the profound effects of that nearness on her husband’s life. How kind has God been to you in bringing salvation to you? Buying woodworking tools and automotive equipment for your wife’s birthday will not promote a healthy marriage. As her husband, you must seek to enrich her life, not yours. Kindness is a normal attitude of love.
3. Generosity
Love envieth not! The opposite of envy is “generosity”. The opposite of generosity is greed, bitterness, covetousness, and spite. Husbands, you might be able to identify with me when I say that in every labor there will be other people who are engaging in the same toil as you are and probably doing it better. What complicates things is when that better person is your wife. Here the temptation is to develop a mood of ill-will and covetousness. How often do we do little things to throw a wrench in the works out of a spirit of envy, for no other reason than to destroy her good works so that she doesn’t outshine us?
There is only one character trait that a Christian should envy. That is to possess a rich and generous soul which envieth not. How many people have become discouraged from wholly following Christ because I withheld from them the needed tools for success out of jealous envy? Our family owns a cabinet shop. Carrying cabinets puts people in a vulnerable position. If envy rules, subtle things like carrying a cabinet awkwardly can hinder the work. Pinching someone’s fingers in a tight doorway is a perfect way to reduce my foe down to his size and the work successfully is hindered, and I can still maintain my innocence. How many marriages and churches operate with these kinds of sins, week after week? Husbands don’t be angry with your wife when she ends up being smarter than you are in a certain matter. In this she has not committed an error or a fault. My friends, what resources has God withheld from you that keeps you from being victorious in that great plan of redemption? Has He not been generous? Generosity is a normal attitude of love.
4. Humility
Love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. After you have been patient, kind, and generous and love has done its beautiful work in the world, go back into the shadows and say nothing about it. Human nature has a tendency to exalt itself which only succeeds in stopping love in its tracks because self-exultation is so contrary to love’s divine nature. The scripture commands us to, Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips. –Proverbs 27:2. How many times have I spoiled an opportunity to further the work of God in another person’s life because I got in between God’s love and their heart, and they were offended?
Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall –Proverbs 16:18.
A man’s pride shall bring him low: but honour shall uphold the humble in spirit –Proverbs 29:23.
Pride will destroy the work of God and it will destroy any effort to love my brother or sister. Humility is a normal attitude of love, and it assists love greatly in its eternal purposes.
5. Courtesy
Love doth not behave itself unseemly. This is love in relation to etiquette. The NIV says it better. “Love is not rude! Courtesy is love in the little things.” I want all of us to think of a particular word. It is the word “gentleman.” The word ‘gentleman’ is a compound word, and it literally means “gentle man”. By definition, it simply defines a man who does things gently. A man who does not possess this quality can do nothing less than to be ungentle, unsympathetic, and rude. He cannot help it.
Married brothers... You will not guide your spouse into experiencing the love of God if your heart is devoid of courtesy for your wife. Courtesy is the grace that shows a special tenderness and respect for a fellow human being. I have knowledge of a sad marriage which started badly. The groom’s brash boast was that his in-laws may as well get to know him sooner than later. He started out very early on, expressing himself rudely at the supper table. It is no wonder that after the honeymoon was over his wife found him to be a man she didn’t want to live with and for good reason. The marriage didn’t continue “happily ever after” because there was a complete lack of courtesy. Courtesy is a normal attitude of love.
6. Unselfishness
Love seeketh not her own. Or we could say it this way—love will not attempt to snatch that which belongs to me, even by right. There will come a day when a man or a woman, in the name of biblical love, must exercise a higher calling of giving up his own personal rights in order to advance the kingdom of God. Love strikes us deeply in the area of unselfishness. It is a very difficult thing after we have purchased our rights, won them, dreamed about them, desired them, and sacrificed for them, to need to give them up. And yet love will relinquish it all so that the purposes of God might be pre-eminent. Only for the great and noble purposes of divine love can we justify the waste of having given up that which we naturally perceive belongs to us by right. No sacrifice is too hard for love to make. True love will enjoy what is given but its very nature cannot take that which is not voluntarily offered. Love is the path to life and freedom. There is no happiness in getting but only in giving. Many marriages exist with the attitude that happiness comes in having or in getting, but that is not God’s way. There would be few divorces if a husband worked as hard to keep his wife as he did to get her in the first place. Unselfishness is a normal attitude of love.
7. Good Temper
Love is not easily provoked. There are many decent, hardworking moral people in this world who are fatally flawed by being touchy and ill tempered—they have a short fuse. Few things unchristianize a good man than an evil temper. This sinful character flaw devastates the home, saps the vitality of men and women he rubs shoulders with, and it corrupts the beauty and innocence of his children. This misery-producing power stands alone. It is made up of jealousy, anger, pride, cruelty, self-righteousness, touchiness, doggedness, sullenness... These all make up the character of a loveless soul. Someone once said; There is no place in heaven for a man like this; for to enter into heaven a man must take himself along. My friends, the home is like hell on earth when an individual of this caliber is at the helm. A grouch is a man who sizes himself up and is sore about it.
Temper is significant. A man is no bigger than the thing that makes him angry. It is not so much about what a temper is, but what it reveals about what is inside a person. It reveals a lack of generosity, courtesy, and unselfishness. A lack of patience, and a lack of kindness, are instantaneously symbolized in one flash of temper. It is not enough to deal with the surface symptom of temper. We must go to the source and allow the Lord Jesus Christ to change us from the deepest depth of our nature, and the anger in our souls will die by itself. How many children want nothing to do with Christianity because of an evil temper in the heart of a father or a mother?! We really have no time to lose. It is with patient persistence that a wife, a husband, or a pastor must love this moral despot. For he too must be conquered by the redemptive love of Jesus Christ. This is the purpose of love. To be tempered by the power of God is a normal attitude of love.
8. Quality or ability to “think no evil”
The people who inspire me are the people who believe in me and encourage me. It is also true that in an atmosphere of suspicion and mistrust, people shrivel up and die. In the absence of trust and goodwill, love cannot exist, let alone thrive. Nothing makes a marriage rust like distrust. It is a delightful and a wonderful thing to find people in this loveless world who assume the best about another person until it is proven otherwise. How often I have found in life that I was wrong about the motives of another person! The quickest way to destroy love in marriage is to assume something negative about the motives of your spouse when only the Lord knows the heart. Divine love wants the object of its focus to succeed and not to fall on its face and fail.
Is it possible that if we would succeed in elevating others to new heights, we would find that our own success is enhanced by our vision or belief of what that person could become? Is it possible that good, old-fashioned respect for the object of our love is the first step to restoring the self-respect a man has lost? If we treat our spouses dishonorably and with disrespect, there is a good chance they will become or remain the person we detest. Someone once said “Sisters, a happy wife sometimes has the best husband, but more often she makes the best out of the husband she has.” You see, man was made in the image of God and the greatest thing you can do for a person is to use the power of love to aid in the restoration of what has been lost. The Son of man came to seek and to save that which was lost. Thinking no evil is a normal attitude of love.
9. Sincerity
Brothers and sisters, we get it so backwards. A man who knows the love of Christ chooses the high road to make wrongs right. It is his highest delight to see the purposes of God practically worked out in another person’s life, not the other way around. How often we delight to see our enemy fall. Destructive criticism and an over-focus on the faults or sins of others weakens their ability to overcome. Overplaying and capitalizing on the faults of others hinders our marriages and churches from being filled with overcoming people. Couples, whatever it is that you believe about your spouse is probably what he or she will become.
Those who truly love others are filled with delight and rejoicing when they examine a situation and find out things were better than they had feared.
Love and trust go hand in hand. Because my soul is secure in the hands of an unchanging God, I can safely reach out in sincerity to those who have entered into the realm of influence. Rejoicing in righteousness and thinking NO EVIL is a normal and final attitude of love.
The Greatness of Love (the Greatest Thing in the World)
a.) It bears all things
Brothers, can you bear all things for the sake of redemptive love and its eternal purposes? When you are tempted to quit loving, remember what Jesus bore for you. The ability to bear all things is a normal attitude of love. Can you take an insult without returning one? Even the devil has the wisdom to patiently endure if it gives him a greater future advantage.
b.) It hopeth all things
And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us –Romans 5:5.
Sisters, if your husband falls short of the glory you married him with, can you wait patiently for the Lord to work in his life? When your husband surprises you by being a different person than you thought you married, practice seeing him for what he could be instead of what he isn’t and then encourage him in hope rather than discourage him with hopelessness.
c.) It endureth all things.
Therefore I endure all things for the elect’s sakes, that they may also obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory –2 Timothy 2:10.
O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever –1 Chronicles 16:34.
Brothers and sisters, how long is your endurance? When you get tired of enduring, remember how long God endures with you. Most matrimonial troubles come when two people choose to not endure because they are in love with themselves instead of their spouse.
d.) It never faileth because God is the source of it.
Prophecies fail.
Tongues fail.
Knowledge vanishes away.
True biblical love never gives up. It never fails; therefore, it can never be defeated.
Love cannot be achieved through the eloquence of words. It cannot be seized by willpower. It cannot be learned through education, and it cannot be purchased through human sacrifice. It is not for sale, nor can it be traded like a commodity for it is spiritual in nature. Love can only be received from the Great Eternal Giver, to those worthy to possess such power and glory in their hearts.
The sincerity of my personal quest to pursue and to comprehend from the heart, the love of Christ, will determine the quantity and the quality of love for others. It was Paul’s sincere cry to the Philippians “...that I might know him”.
Husbands and wives, when you first met each other, your love was very immature. You saw it as through a glass darkly or as a poor reflection in the mirror. You spoke about the future of your love like immature children who had no experience with it. You began knowing about it and you prophesied about it. Now that you are married, you know a lot more about LOVE than you did, but there is so much more still to learn. My friends, may the looking glass become clearer for you with maturity and may you understand love in its perfection in the days to come. But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day –Proverbs 4:18.
Husbands and wives, the best thing you can do for each other is to pursue a daily relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. Remember that any success in life requires practice. Practice loving each other. Be patient, be kind, be generous, be humble, be unselfish. In all sincerity encourage each other to surrender your hearts to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and your marriage will be above and beyond everything you have ever imagined. A young man once prayed... “Lord, send me a wife that loves you for I know that if she loves you, she will also love me.” He was a wise man.
Great love comes at a great cost. It cost the Lord Jesus Christ His life. Only after you have given your hearts to the Lord in complete trust, will you be able to give your hearts to each other. You have already gained everything; therefore, you have nothing to lose by giving your all in an earthly relationship. That is the cost of love, and it is worth it. Love is life and life is love. It is better not to live than to not love. If love is present in your home, you will find energetic purpose for living and all will be well. Place your hope and faith in the God of Love and you will find... the Greatest Thing in the World.
Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God –1 John 4:7.
For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith –1 John 5:4.
May God bless every bride and groom.
