A Christ-centered Courtship is a series of messages on godly courtship preached by Paul Hershberger. He preached these messages several times at different locations over the last ten years. Recently, we had them transcribed and abridged for reading clarity. After printing all five articles in The Heartbeat of the Remnant, we will publish them in a booklet. This is the fourth article of five.
There are five goals for this series:
- To turn the hearts of the fathers to their children.
- To turn the hearts of the children to their fathers.
- That parents would get a burden to lead their children into the perfect will of God for their lives.
- That young people would get a burden to seek God, find fulfillment and purpose in walking with God, and mature in their manners and character.
- That young men and women would rise up to be godly fathers and mothers with a vision to raise another godly generation.
We discussed Satan’s Snares for male and female in the last issue. Today’s topic is about waiting on God’s timing and plan for marriage.
The Preparation Sleep.
In Genesis 2:21, we read that Adam slept a deep sleep. God did surgery on him, and there was no anesthesiologist there to help with the surgery. Adam just slept a deep sleep.
We’re not talking about a dormant sleep, where we are unaware of our surroundings, but rather a germinating sleep. Germination has two components. The first component is dying and losing our identity. The second component is springing forth a new life. Preparation sleep is a sleep that is willing to die to self and lose its identity and its agenda. And yet, through this dying process, a new life can spring forth. Christians have the blessed opportunity to die to ourselves so that we can have fresh germination coming out of our lives. When we die to ourselves, new life springs forth.
“And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him. And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man” (Genesis 2:19–22).
In Genesis 2:20, Adam became aware that there was no helper suitable for him. As all the animals went by, he began to realize his need. Each animal had a male and a female, but he was the only one like him. God’s advice for Adam was, “You need to go to sleep.” And as Adam slept that deep sleep, he was wholly yielded. As Adam slept, God prepared for him a helpmeet. Adam did not interfere with this process. He wasn’t giving advice: “Make her this way or that way. ” This was all God’s doing, and Adam was yielded and in a deep sleep with no plan of his own. Today, this also applies to Eve. In Adam’s day, Eve wasn’t created yet. Today, Eve is alive the same as Adam is. In other words, today, we have males and females. If Eve doesn’t go into this preparation sleep as well, Adam will have difficulty going into a preparation sleep if Eve tries to get his attention. Eve needs to go to sleep in the same way as Adam does.
Young men and women, it is important that you yield your future and marriage to God. If you try to take your future into your own hands, you will likely fail. God has a purpose and plan for each one of you. It is possible that God’s plan for you is not marriage. But God does have a plan for you.
As we consider preparation sleep, let’s look at the life of Jesus when He was young. We want to look at four points from His life and make practical applications.
Jesus was a maturing, godly young man
“And when they had performed all things according to the law of the Lord, they returned into Galilee, to their own city Nazareth. This was right after they had been at the temple. And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom: and the grace of God was upon him. Now, his parents went to Jerusalem every year at the feast of the Passover. And when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem after the custom of the feast” (Luke 2:39–42).
In this scripture, Jesus is twelve years old. If you are twelve years old or older, I urge you to sit up and take note. Jesus was twelve, and here’s what it says about Him: “And the child grew, and waxed strong in spirit, filled with wisdom: and the grace of God was upon Him.” What an example of a maturing, godly young man. He “waxed strong in spirit.” That means the power of the Holy Ghost was strong upon Him. He was “filled with wisdom”—the wisdom of God! “And the grace of God”—the divine influence from God that helps one live a godly life, was upon Him, too.
Jesus began preparing for His life ministry at a young age. Sometimes, we think childhood is a time for playing. I’m not against children playing, but youth must consider what life is about long before adulthood. If you plan to wait until the time for marriage to get serious, you’ve missed a tremendous opportunity. Prepare yourself for marriage so you are ready to be married when that day comes. Then God’s face will shine upon you and bless you, and your life will be fulfilled and fruitful. There’s a preparation that goes on during this sleep.
Jesus sensed the call of God
“And when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem after the custom of the feast. And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child Jesus tarried behind in Jerusalem; and Joseph and his mother knew not of it. But they, supposing him to have been in the company, went a day’s journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance. And when they found him not, they turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking him. And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions. And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers. And when they saw him, they were amazed: and his mother said unto him, Son, why hast thou thus dealt with us? behold, thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing. And he said unto them, How is it that ye sought me? wist ye not that I must be about my Father’s business? And they understood not the saying which he spake unto them” (Luke 2:42-50).
At twelve years old, Jesus was already deeply interested in the Word of God. The calling of God was very clear to Him. When his parents came looking for him, he said, “Why did you look for me? Don’t you know that I need to be about My Father’s business?”
Young men and women, do you sense the calling of God? Is the Spirit of God speaking into your lives, moving, and giving direction? If we live a shallow Christian life, we won’t sense the moving of the Spirit of God. But if we get close to God, the Bible says He’ll draw nigh to us.
Do you understand the Bible, and can you give answers to what you believe? It is important to lay your own foundation. You can’t build on Mom and Dad’s foundation. If you grew up in a godly Christian home, you are blessed. But don’t be lazy; develop your own convictions. Find out for yourself what the Word of God says. Talk to Dad or Mom if you don’t understand something. Lay a foundation so you are ready to be married when the day comes.
Jesus was subject to his parents
“And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart” (Luke 2:51).
The example of Jesus is clear: “I must be about My Father’s business.” But He laid down His will and waited. He went home with his parents and “was subject to them.” He waited for eighteen years. Jesus continued actively pursuing His relationship with His Father in heaven in those eighteen years. He prepared for His ministry while He waited.
Sometimes, we wonder why we have to wait. We can’t see any purpose, and it feels like we’re being held back. But God works in our hearts while we wait and prepare for what’s ahead.
Jesus continued to increase and mature
“And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:52). Waiting and “preparation” sleeping didn’t hold Jesus back. As we consider His ministry and all the difficult things He faced, we know he prepared. How could He have such wisdom to have the correct answer to every question or give the right response? He prepared, and He walked with God.
Learning to walk with God
We, too, want to grow in wisdom, stature, and favor with God. To do so, we must learn to walk with God. We learn to walk with God by:
Bible reading
2 Timothy 2:15 says, “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.” Constructive daily Bible reading is like constructing a building. It takes time. In the same way, we can’t become a Bible scholar in one year. We don’t read our Bibles just to survive for the day. If we’re reading to survive today, we are not laying bricks in our spiritual building. We need to lay some bricks. If we lay a few bricks every day, after some years, there will be quite a structure if we do it with a plan. Constructive daily Bible reading doesn’t need to be huge but should add up.
Prayer
“I exhort therefore, that, first of all, supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks, be made for all men; For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty. For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Saviour; Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth” (1 Timothy 2:1–4).
Pray and intercede for other people. Thank God for what He has done for you. If God answered specific prayer requests, thank Him for it. Pray about specific needs in your life. “Lord, what are areas of need in my life? Take one or two of these areas, and seek God for grace to overcome them. If you do this for several years, God will abundantly bless your preparation.
Take time to praise and thank God. “By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name” (Hebrews 13:15). Thankfulness coming out of our hearts and lives is important. God inhabits the praises of His people. When we are downcast, one of the best things we can do is sing. Rejoice in the Lord; bless His name.
Learn to hear the voice of God
Learn to discern God’s will and leading. Young people often struggle in this area. But as we learn to walk with God, we keep growing one step at a time. We read our Bibles, study, meditate, and memorize verses. We pray, fast, and seek the Lord. We praise Him and give Him thanks. We intercede for others and ask Him to help us. As we do these spiritual exercises, we begin to know the voice of God. He’ll begin to lead us in ways that we can understand. But we must take a step at a time and keep going. Don’t just aim at survival. Prepare for life.
Die to areas in your life
You need to die to your flesh so you can have that germination come forth into newness of life. Our flesh shrinks back from the idea of dying and says, “That’s not pleasant. I don’t enjoy that.” Our flesh doesn’t enjoy it, but dying to self brings forth new life. We can experience a springing forth in a new life as much as we are willing to die to ourselves.
Developing a Christlike character
Developing a Christlike character can be one of those areas in our lives where we struggle the hardest. But let’s not shrink away from it. We have the grace of God on our side, and he wants to give us inner strength so we can overcome areas of need in our lives.
Consider the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:22–23. This is a good place to start developing a Christlike character. Love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and temperance. I still go back and look at that list, asking, “Ok, how am I doing?” If I claim to have the Spirit of God living in my heart, I should have these things coming out of my life. Let’s keep pressing on into the Kingdom.
When developing a Christlike character, let’s ask: What spirit comes from me? Do I have a loud spirit or a quiet spirit? A harsh spirit or a gentle spirit? A critical spirit or a forgiving spirit? A proud spirit or a humble spirit? A selfish spirit or a servant spirit? Unkind or kind? Crude or mannerly? Tough or compassionate? Rude or respectful? Do I need to work on my character?
Yield your life to God’s service
Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband” (1 Cor. 7:2–28, 32–34).
If you are unmarried, it may feel like “God has no purpose for me.” God has a purpose for everyone. In fact, if young people cannot be content and fulfilled in serving the Lord as a single person, they are not ready for married life either. Contentment is caring about the things of the Lord.
It goes with this preparation sleep. If your mind is focused on, “I’ve got to get married!” or “I wonder whom I’ll get married to,” you will be distracted and won’t be able to prepare for God’s plan for your life. These areas in your life need to go to sleep. In God’s timing, He’ll cause it to spring forth in newness of life.
Find fulfillment in serving the Lord, walking with Him, and being content. Find contentment in serving others by starting at home. Also, find contentment and fulfillment in the church.
What kind of partner do I need?
This may seem like a different topic, but this, too, is a part of preparation. Ask yourself: “What kind of partner do I need?” When considering a partner, you need:
- One with a vision.
- One that is virtuous.
- One that has a godly character.
- One that is under authority.
- One who is in love with Jesus.
This is fairly broad and yet all-encompassing. This is the kind of partner you want.
Parents, talk to your children. Don’t wait till there’s a request from a young man. Or perhaps your son says, “Well, Dad, uh, I really sort of feel drawn to this girl.” Fathers, don’t wait, but prepare for it. Talk about it with your children. And yes, you may ask them to wait. You may want to help them go to sleep. Give them direction on it. This conversation needs to happen when they are a bit older. Maybe around 20 or 21, this conversation could begin.
Parents, pray about this matter. Sometimes, we clearly sense God’s direction for our child in marriage. Other times, we may not be sure and need to ask God for direction. Pray for your children before they seek marriage. We’re not looking for them to just “fall in love” one day.
When am I ready for marriage?
Here are some questions to consider:
- Am I mature? Have I learned to walk with God? Am I steady and stable and established in the faith? Or do I have major ups and downs?
- Do I have a godly character? How do I treat others? How do I treat my parents and my siblings? How do I treat my coworkers? Am I quiet, gentle, forgiving, humble, a servant, kind, mannerly, compassionate, and respectful?
- Am I under authority? This one is important. Have you dealt with your strong nature? Are you willing to be compatible, like Ephesians 5:21 says about “submitting one to another”? Have you learned to honor and respect your father? Are you under authority?
- Is Jesus my all in all? Am I married to Christ? Do I find satisfaction in Him?
- Am I content with my lot in life? Am I willing to live with less than Mom and Dad have? You cannot start in the same place in life where your parents are today. Do I desire material things, always reaching for more?
Young men
Study Titus 2:6-8
- Young men, can you spiritually lead a wife and children? Can you do what Ephesians 5:24-27 says about washing them with the Word and guiding a home spiritually?
- Are you able to financially provide? Can you take care of the household? When you marry, it’s not just yourself but your wife and children to provide for.
- Are you an overcomer in moral purity? Are you walking in victory?
- Are you disciplined to say no to yourself? Are you willing to sacrifice for the good of others? Marriage brings sacrifice. Can you surrender to others?
- Are you willing to give up your independence? Are you ready for marriage? Marriage is about two people, not just yourself.
Young women
Study Titus 2:4–5.
- Do you have a meek and quiet spirit? A spirit that is restful and content?
- Are you able to become someone’s helpmeet? Can you be the rib at his side?
- Are you willing to take on his identity, goals, and visions? Are you willing to do that?
- Do you enjoy being a keeper at home? Have you learned homemaking skills?
- Do you love children? Are your young siblings a bother to you? Will you love your children?
In Summary
In Luke 2:51 Jesus “went down with them [His parents] and came to Nazareth, and was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart.” Even though we can’t see the future, God will bless us when we submit ourselves. At the age of 12, Jesus clearly sensed that call of God. “I must be about my Father’s business.” But He submitted Himself and went home.
Now, it is eighteen years later. “Now when all the people were baptized, it came to pass, that Jesus also being baptized, and praying, the heaven was opened, And the Holy Ghost descended in a bodily shape like a dove upon him, and a voice came from heaven, which said, Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased. And Jesus himself began to be about thirty years of age . . . ” (Luke 3:21–23).
Jesus sensed that clear call from God at age 12. Yet He submitted Himself to His parents, who didn’t understand, and He prepared during the next 18 years. Now heaven opened, and God said, “Thou art My beloved Son, in whom I am well-pleased!” What more could we desire? Nothing else will matter if we get to heaven one day and hear those words.
Jesus prepared over eighteen years for His three years of ministry, but it was the most effective three years of ministry anybody ever has had and will ever have. He prepared!
God has a plan for each one of our lives. Can we yield to His leading and timing? Let’s germinate, dying to ourselves and springing forth into the newness of life. Let’s be in a germinating sleep. We may not understand it all, but let’s prepare, germinate, grow, and increase in the grace of God. My young brother and sister, just take one step at a time, and God will bless your life.
