# Forgiveness Language: en Author: David N\. Miller Warsaw, Ohio Original issue: The Heartbeat of The Remnant, Winter 2025 Source pages: 12–14 Read article: Original PDF: Winter\-2025\-Remnant\.pdf [The Heartbeat of The Remnant, Winter 2025]() Have you been hurt? Are you struggling with something that happened in the past? It wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right, and it feels like it has ruined your entire life\. Are you discouraged by the thoughts, the feelings, and the darkness that seem to lurk around every turn? Does it seem like everything you do reminds you of that day it happened, and brings up unwelcome memories that you need to deal with? First, I want to assure you that you are not alone\. Many people in the world today are wrestling with this very issue\. You are not some strange anomaly or unique situation that no one would understand\. If you are disappointed by that thought and you enjoy where you are, finding satisfaction in the idea that something is wrong with you, then this article is probably not worth your time, and you shouldn’t read it\. Maybe you were abused by your father, neglected by your mother, molested by a family member, betrayed by a good friend, or lied to by a brother or sister in the church\. The list could go on and on with scenarios that are not right or are not fair\. All of these can be very difficult, and you may even be facing something that is more difficult\. I recognize that your story is probably quite different from mine, but I believe it matters less what the offense was than the choices we make\. I invite you to join me as I share a bit of my experience and what I learned from God through it\. My life wasn’t without challenges, but overall, things were going well, and I was a very blessed man\. I was happily married to my beautiful wife, and God had blessed us with three healthy children\. I was surrounded by many friends and family\. I enjoyed serving as a deacon in our church, and my job paid well and was fulfilling\. Looking back, I would say I had no needs and very few wants that weren’t met\. And then it happened, I GOT HURT\! And it hurt badly, so badly that I felt a literal pain in my physical heart\. I didn’t realize that something could be so hurtful, so painful, and so heartbreaking\. I had never experienced anything like this before\. I will spare you the details of why I was so hurt because I truly don’t believe it would make a difference\. Instead, I will share what happened afterward\. This happened on a Saturday\. On Sunday, I was numb and didn’t even feel like myself\. By Monday around noon, the numbness started wearing off, and the feelings became more real\. Feelings of hopelessness, anger, and determination to stand up for myself, then followed by discouragement and despair, and the cycle repeated itself all over again\. I had never been depressed in my life before\. I didn’t understand what people were talking about when they said they were depressed, until that day\. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and yet I just wanted to tell everyone how wrongfully I had been used\. I couldn’t focus on work, so I paced and I cried until I fell to the floor, and feeling a heavy darkness descend upon my soul\. My wife called, “Is it okay if her sister and family come to our house for the evening?” They heard about it and want to pray\. NO, not a chance, I don’t want to talk with anyone\. They can pray from home\. Next, I got a call from my brother, telling me some family and friends are getting together to pray for me, and they wanted me to come\. I tried to decline, but my brother insisted they would come pick us up\. He gave me no options\. “Okay, we will see,” was my response, and I hung up\. Another call came from an unfamiliar number\. I answered, and it was a friend that I hadn’t talked to in quite a while\. He was very caring but not curious, simply asking if he might pray for me\. He prayed right then, interceding on my behalf\. He prayed against unforgiveness and depression, and in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, he rebuked Satan and his demons\. I remember as he did this, that the darkness lifted\. It was as if a heavy burden rolled off my shoulders\. I also remember his encouragement\. Forgive them\. Forgive them\!? I realized that I must make a choice\. Will I choose to forgive and have peace with God, or do I want to have those feelings and that darkness again? I chose forgiveness and said it out loud, “I choose to forgive them\.” I can only try to describe the joy that filled my heart and the praise that burst from my lips as I remembered the sins that Christ had forgiven me\. The floor I was rolling on earlier, I was now leaping on with joy\. I could hardly wait to get home and tell my wife\. I was excited to be picked up and share with the prayer group that evening\. Hallelujah\! Did I lose you there? Does it feel like it was too easy? The battle wasn’t over, but the choice was made\. I had chosen to forgive\. Whenever I was in a situation where I met them, or when things came up that reminded me how unfair it was, how wrongly I had been used, or how deeply they misunderstood me, I remembered and recommitted to my choice\. I have forgiven them\. When I drove past their houses, I prayed for them and thought about the good things about them\. And before I knew what was happening, I truly loved my enemies\. > *Forgiveness is a choice, > not a feeling\.* > > > > *Forgiveness is the choice to > let go, to lay aside,* > > > > *Forgiveness is the choice to > free fully, to release, > to set at liberty\.* ## What the Bible Teaches about Forgiveness In the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5, we learn that the merciful will obtain mercy\. In the next chapter, Jesus teaches his disciples to pray\. In His prayer, He teaches that the depth of forgiveness depends on whether we forgive those who sin against us\. “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors\.” In the same chapter, in verse 15, Jesus makes it very clear what will happen if we don’t forgive\. “But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your heavenly Father forgive your trespasses\.” Later, his disciples were feeling extra merciful and suggested forgiving someone seven times who sins against you; they thought that would be plenty\. But Jesus said not seven times but seventy times seven\. Have you ever experienced someone sinning against you even seven times, saying they are sorry, and you forgive them, only for them to sin against you again and quickly seek restitution? Jesus then uses a very powerful story to illustrate how this works in the kingdom of heaven, which I will paraphrase to fit our time and setting\. You are one of the fifty employees working for a business that is doing extremely well\. A program has been set up to help the employees by giving them loans when they are in a financial crunch\. One day you come to work, and an “all\-staff meeting” is called\. The owner announces that by the end of the month, all the loans are due in full\. You are very relieved that you don’t have any loans, but later that week are surprised to hear about a co\-worker who has been an employee for over two decades owing 1\.5 million dollars\. Everyone is wondering what will happen because they know there is no way he can pay it back by the end of the month\. The end of the month comes, and everyone has to pay\. Your co\-worker, of course, can’t pay, so the owner demands that he be put in prison and come to work without getting a paycheck until it’s all paid\. His wife and children will also be put in prison and required to come to work\. Your heart drops with sympathy for that poor, poor family\. But you also know it is just and right, but wait\! The owner is considering the employee’s plea for mercy\! Not only is he not putting his family in prison and making them all work, but he is also telling him he doesn’t have to pay any of the debt\. None of it\! That is unbelievable\!\! Of course, your co\-worker is very grateful, and you find yourself sighing with relief until\. \. \. That very day, at quitting time, this co\-worker had your best friend in a corner, demanding he pay up for using his vehicle over the weekend\. He is asking for $150 and won’t give in, despite you and your friend begging him to wait another week until he is able to get the funds\. He gets very angry, grabs your friend by his shirt, and starts shaking him\. Then he pulls out his phone to call the cops to come arrest your friend\. Before the police arrived, someone made the owner aware\. He was very upset and demanded that his original judgment be implemented after all\. The employee now needed to repay the entire 1\.5 million dollars, which wasn’t going to happen in his lifetime\. How would you feel if your co\-worker behaved like this? How do you think the owner of the business felt? This, my friend, is what God and your fellow Christians feel when you choose not to forgive those who wrong you and hurt you\. Jesus reiterates in this parable that we will be forgiven just as we forgive\. ## Common questions about forgiveness *What if the person doesn’t ask for forgiveness or repent, as Mathew 18 and Luke 17 talk about? Am I still obligated to forgive them? How does this change my responsibility to forgive? Does it?* It doesn’t change our responsibility at all\. We can, and we must forgive if we want God to forgive us\. “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses: \(Matthew 6:14\-15\)\. Jesus’ words on the cross were, Father, forgive them\. Jesus forgave not only those who were crucifying him at the moment, but those words were a plea for the whole world, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do” \(Luke 23:34\)\. Let’s think about it this way\. Forgiveness has two sides: there is the extending of forgiveness and the receiving of it\. When we forgive the person who hurt us, we are obeying Jesus’ words, “But I say unto you which hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you\. ” \(Luke 6:27\-28\)\. There is no qualifier that says we should wait to love our enemy until they repent or to bless those who abuse us when they apologize\. They don’t stop being our enemies when we bless them\. And this is what makes this so powerful\. They haven’t asked for our forgiveness, and perhaps they don’t think they have to\. They are content being our enemies and making life difficult for us\. One has said, “We are to bless them, and that blessing means that our part of the inward forgiveness has happened\. The opposite of forgiveness is holding a grudge, but blessing is the opposite of holding a grudge, and so blessing is a kind of forgiving\.” When we forgive, we let it go, we set them fully free from our grip and from our desire to be avenged\. Now we no longer need to be held back in our lives by this burden of hate, bitterness, and anger\. This is something I experienced in my journey\. Several months after forgiving them, I found myself struggling to stay emotionally stable every Sunday when we went to church; in fact, it was getting to be quite out of control and embarrassing\. I cried out to God one Sunday morning, and He pointed out how I would still delight just a bit if those who hurt me were proven wrong and brought to judgment\. As I repented of this, the scripture “Dearly beloved avenge not yourself but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay saith the Lord” \(Romans 12:19\) came to mind\. It caused me to cry out to God for mercy on those who had wronged me\. In this verse, God says, “my dearly beloved, give place, step aside, and let me repay them for hurting you\. Your repayment isn’t enough\. My vengeance is what they deserve; I will repay\.” Oh God, please have mercy\! The judgment of God is so terrible, I can’t wish it on my worst enemy\! *Is there a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?* Yes\. Forgiveness is a choice you can make that allows you to stay free before God\. If you choose not to forgive, you are like the employee who called the police on his coworkers\. The debt he had been forgiven by his employer was suddenly back on him\. Reconciliation requires both parties\. I can forgive someone who wrongs me, but unless they agree to talk about it, admit their wrongs, and show remorse, reconciliation can’t happen\. Still, I remain free\. My life isn’t being poisoned by bitterness\. We could also talk about trust here\. Should I trust the person that I have forgiven? What if they hurt me again? This can be a tricky question\. If someone abuses my child, it would not be wise to allow a situation to occur that would put your child and the other person in the same place by themselves\. However, trust can also be a choice\. If you hurt me, I can choose whether to trust you\. The choice to trust is also the choice to be open, vulnerable, and possibly be hurt or disappointed again\. To choose not to trust is safer, but also likely keep you from experiencing some blessings in life\. *Does forgiveness mean forgetting?* Let me ask, is there a difference between forgetting and not remembering? I believe there is a difference\. If we forget something, it simply means we don’t recall it\. When we decide not to remember something, but the thought comes into our mind, we haven’t forgotten; we can choose to keep rolling it through our memory again and again\. Not remembering is letting go and filling our minds with God’s Word and promises\. Let’s consider a couple of the definitions from the Webster’s 1828 Dictionary for ‘remember’ in the context of “not remembering\.” - To NOT bear or keep in mind; to NOT attend to\. - To think of and consider; to meditate\. Psa 63\. - To bear in mind with intent to reward or punish 3 John 10\. Jer 31 My heart is to encourage you in writing this article\. By the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, it is possible to forgive\. Not only is it possible, but it is also very important if we want to be with Him in eternal glory\. Come with me and let’s consider God’s heart in this matter of forgiving each other\. Let’s consider God’s Word concerning the matter, reflect on some of the outcomes in the Bible, and throughout history, of people who forgave and were forgiven, versus those who didn’t forgive and weren’t forgiven\.