# God Would Not Let Me Go INSPIRATIONS FOR YOUTH Language: en Author: by Sheldon Bower Sugarcreek, OH Original issue: The Heartbeat of the Remnant, Winter 2022, Number 4 Source pages: 17–19 Read article: Original PDF: Winter\-2022\-Remnant\-web\.pdf [The Heartbeat of the Remnant, Winter 2022]() I grew up in the same church setting in which my parents were born and raised\. However, by the time I was 10, my parents began to be concerned with the direction the young folks were going and wanted something different for their children\. So, my parents got in touch with a church from another state, which helped them make connections with a small church that was located close to where we lived\. I was more of a quiet, strong\-willed child and was quickly turning into a rebellious teenager\. My parents did all they knew to do with me at the time\. One of which was making the move to this new church since it had more of a godly youth environment\. I had a hard time with this change\. At our old church, I had friends that were on the same page as me and supported me in my rebellious ways, but at the new church I was more of the “bad guy” and didn’t fit in with the other young people\. Over the course of time that church dissolved, and my parents decided to move to another state, closer to a more stable church\. So it was, that, when I was 14, we spent our first night in a different state, in a different house, on a different road, and with different neighbors\. We went shopping in a different town and went to a different church, with people that I barely knew\. I didn’t like change\. I found it challenging to meet new people and make new friends\. I struggled majorly with all these changes, so, I never bothered trying to plug in and be an active part in our new life\. Instead, I slowly built walls around my life and heart, all the while growing colder and more rebellious\. As I grew older and harder, my parents tried to work with me, but I would have nothing to do with it\. I eventually got a job and was introduced to country music and other worldly things\. Since I enjoy work, I poured myself into it and worked long hours\. That way I wouldn’t need to be around the family or church people, and I wouldn’t need to go to church activities\. Thus, I became more removed and isolated from those around me\. The church people didn’t know how to relate to me; most of them just left me to myself\. Deep down I was desperately longing for love and acceptance from my family and church\. This caused me to spiral downward\. I continued to stuff my feelings and build a wall around myself, all the while hardening my heart further\. As time went on, I withdrew more and more from my family and the church\. I felt more and more like a social misfit that no one knew what to do with\. I decided I was going to run away and live my own life\. Somehow my parents got wind of this idea and tried to do all that they knew to do to help me, but I resented it\. Looking back, I know without a doubt that they were doing it out of love and care, but there was a great lack in our relationship\. Thus, I continued to grow harder and colder\. The summer I was 17, a visiting minister \(‘Mike’\) and his family came to our church for meetings\. I knew them from years before and somehow through our interaction during the meetings my heart started to soften and open\. I’m not quite sure why, but for some reason, I decided that I wanted to go spend the winter with them\. So, my parents got in contact with them, and it was decided that I could stay with them for a few months\. My plan was to spend a few months away from everything and then I would return home when I was almost 18\. Once I was 18, I was planning to leave home and do my own thing\. I was certain no one could stop me because I would be of legal age\. However, God obviously had different plans\.\.\. Somehow ‘Mike’ convinced me to go to along to a week of meetings in another state\. While we were there, I don’t remember that the conviction was any stronger than any other time\. However, one evening after the service he asked me if I wanted to become a Christian and have my sins forgiven\. I don’t remember what I told him, but we talked for a while\. He took me through the Bible, helping me to see what God says about it all; then we prayed\. When we got up from praying, I can’t say that something major happened, but it was definitely the night that I found salvation\! That night, something changed in my heart\. I knew that I now wanted to do things God’s way\. I knew that my end goal in life was to run the race well and to finish victoriously\. That is what has helped me through the years\. On July 31, 2011, I was baptized upon the confession of my faith\. The next number of years were definitely not easy\. I would even say that at times it seemed to have been harder than in the years before my conversion\. Out of respect to others, I don’t feel I can share everything that has happened over the years, but I will try to share several main points\. You can imagine that with the walls I had built around myself and the comfort I had found in this, that the years following my conversion were full of ups and downs as I tried to relearn how to relate to other believers and to people in general\. Even though I had reached out to God for forgiveness of my sins and had committed my life to following Him, I had many old habits of relating to others in wrong ways that still needed to be sanctified\. Things at home continued to improve but there was still room for progress, which added to the stress\. As the years went by, my stress level continued to rise\. I didn’t know what to do with it, so I resorted to taking high doses of NoDoz® with an energy drink before I went to bed, trying to get my nerves to relax enough so I could sleep \(don’t try this at home, it is dangerous\)\. The next day I would get up and face it all again\. One year for most of the year I struggled with thoughts of not wanting to continue on with life\. During this time, I had a very close friend who gave me much encouragement\. I believe that the regular contact I had with this close friend, the prayers of others, and God’s faithfulness all working together kept me from doing something that I would have later regretted\. I had another close friend who had also gone through a lot but seemed to be finding God’s answers to life’s struggles\. We would go out for supper, spending time together talking about life’s struggles\. I remember times that I would leave his car and tears would be streaming down his face because he wasn’t sure if I was going to make it\. Then he went to the mission field for two years to teach English\. I’m not sure what all was going on in his life but one day we got word that he was missing\. Eventually we heard from him; he was okay and was living back in the states again\. My heart was torn… One of the few friends that I had, had now turned his back on what he had once believed and on that which he had once tried to convince me of\. Yet here I was, still struggling… Why not just give up fighting…? Why not just go live the easy life…? As time went on, I continued to long for love and acceptance\. At times the struggle, the aching, and the longing seemed almost unbearable\. But I knew deep down that giving up was not what I wanted\. It would not get the end result that I wanted\. Once more through the encouragement and regular contact with my close friend, the prayers of others, and God’s faithfulness, I continued to press on\. Another young man started taking an interest in my life and we eventually became close friends\. He and his wife were a great encouragement to me\. Then due to some disagreements with the church, they became dissatisfied and left the church\. They threw aside a lot of what they had once stood for\. So here I was once again with a close friend that had turned his back on what he had once stood for\. What’s the use? Why does life need to be so hard? Maybe I should also give up… But I didn’t want to totally throw God out\. Maybe I could find a church that was less strict\. Once again, I came to my senses and realized that’s not really what I wanted\. That direction wouldn’t take me where I wanted to go\. So once more through the encouragement and regular contact with my close friend, the prayers of others, and God’s faithfulness, I continued to press on\. At the time it was tough, but looking back, I see I have learned a lot by all I have gone through\. In the fall of 2015, I went to Washington state due to a work opportunity\. At the time I went, there were things going on at my home church that I was struggling with\. Because of all the stress that I was facing, I was feeling quite discouraged about Church life, Christianity, and life in general\. I wasn’t wanting to throw my Christianity away, but I was wondering, “Is this really what it’s all about?” “Why can’t people just get along?” Is this really what God had in mind for His people? If we are “little Christs” like we claim to be, shouldn’t we be able to get along? Shouldn’t we be the ones that are joyful and full of life? I went to Washington with these kinds of thoughts on my mind\. While there, I attended a church that was both Biblical and spiritually minded\. It’s hard to explain all that went on in my mind, heart, and life during those six months\. But I left there and went back home with a renewed strength and vision\. We should be the light of the world\! We should have something to offer others\! We should be able to get along with one another\! Yes, we do go through hard times individually and collectively as a church, but if we fight the good fight of faith, if we finish our course, if we keep the faith, there is laid up for each of us a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only but unto all them also that love his appearing\. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing –2 Timothy 4:7\-8\. \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* June 15, 2018, at 4:40 pm\. the scream of the emergency services’ pager split the peaceful afternoon as it crackled to life\. “One\-car rollover on ‘Gingko Avenue’, possible entrapment,” was the repeated dispatch\. As we walked onto the scene, there sat a young girl who appeared to be in her mid\-twenties and was visibly banged up\. With blood and tears streaming down her face, she repeated these phrases, “I don’t want to die… I’m not ready to die… I may never see my baby again\.” As seconds turned to minutes, the paramedics tried to calm her anxious nerves\. We searched the mangled car and surrounding area for the supposed missing baby\. All the while she sat there with lines of worry and fear\. She had tears and blood streaming down her face, as she repeated, “I may never see my baby again… I don’t want to die… I’m not ready to die\.” As first responders, all we found was a car seat that wasn’t fastened in, with no evidence of a baby anywhere\. As the ambulance crew strapped her to the stretcher and loaded her in the ambulance, she was still repeating, “Where’s my baby…? I’m not ready to die… I don’t want to die… I may never see my baby again\.” As I left the scene that evening, with that image and those phrases running through my mind, I was struck with two sober thoughts\. If that was me, miraculously surviving an accident and sitting there beside my vehicle, barely coherent, with blood streaming down my face, what would I be saying? What would the paramedics and rescue team remember me by? Would I be ready to die? Would I be clear before God? \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* \* As Christians, when is the last time we helped someone prepare their soul for death? As believers who have been redeemed from the misery and chaos of a life of sin \(see 1 Corinthians 6:9\-11\), we should *…be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh \[us\] you a reason of the hope that is in \[us\] you with meekness and fear: –1 Peter 3:15\.* In the fall of 2018, God opened the door for me to move to a church in a different state where I have found stability\. It was here that God brought a godly young lady into my life, and we were married on November 30, 2019\. Being married and having brothers who surrounded me with discipleship, compassion, and prayerful support helped me to grow in the Lord in many ways\. Being here has awakened within me a renewed vision to be the light of the world\. Today, I am thankful that God did not let me go\. As I kept fighting the spiritual fight, God kept giving me the strength and wisdom to do the next right thing\. With each victory, my strength has grown stronger\. *Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you… –James 4:8\.* I thank God for giving me victory and for helping me find my ultimate source of love, security, and purpose—my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ\. ![One hiker helping another climb at sunset]() ## Magazine citation - [One hiker helping another climb at sunset](): AdobeStock\.com